It's All In What You See

A Terrible Loss

Leading up to the Thanksgiving holiday, my wife and her family were handed a devastating blow. My wife's grandmother passed, unexpectedly. While she was 90 years old and lived an incredible life, she was also the foundation and rock to this large family. Grandma's legacy includes 3 children, 8 grandchildren, and 13 great-grandchildren. I was fortunate to have known her for 10 wonderful years. She was one of those rare people who impacted and touched everybody's life she encountered. It didn't matter if you knew her for a day or if you knew her for a lifetime.

Life And How You See It

Last Monday evening brought us to the calling hours and wake for my wife's grandmother. It was a rough night for many, as I am sure you can imagine. Family and friends gathered to remember a wonderful life and a terrible loss.

But for me, things were a little different. I didn't have a chance to grieve or to cry. I loved Grandma dearly and life was not the same knowing she would not be physically present to impact my life and the life of our two children. And that's when it happened...

My father-in-law's business partner approached me, and said the following:

"I never expected to walk in, and see you with a big grin on your face."

I responded, best I could, "I have two beautiful (young) children to look after and they are just so full of life."

Our two-year-old daughter was the belle of the ball. She captured the hearts and minds of everyone who walked in the door. She was so well behaved, yet also seemingly knew just when to crack a smile or laugh. Perhaps the best was when she would comfort my mother-in-law or go looking for Kermit - my mother-in-law's oldest brother. She literally took sobbing people and brought smiles to their faces in the hardest of times.

Not to mention the impact our 2-month-old son had as well. Everyone saw the innocence and life brimming from his soft coo's and gentle smiles.

Your Vantage Point

My father-in-law's business partner really did make the strongest point of the week.

"I never expected to see you smiling, when I walked in the door."

And again, that's when I realized it's all what you see.

I will not pretend to suggest we live life as an optimist or that you run out and find the good amidst the bad or evil in the world. While it is certainly easier being positive and optimistic, it is more beneficial when it is real.

No, I won't do that...

I want to share that life is all about how you see things... How you experience things... And that's what my most recent article suggests. It's the difference that perhaps took me from an average kid to be diagnosed with ADHD to someone who was given a gift - a gift of hope, support, and unwavering belief.

This article talks about the difference between being idntified as "gifted" versus being labeled with "ADHD."

There are lots of similarities.
There are lots of differneces.

But neither of these really matter or are important.

Instead, what does matter is:

1. How you build yourself up and view yourself
2. How people treat you and respond to you

That's how reality exists... Not in optimism or pessimism, but rather in reality and how we see ourselves amongst the rest of the world.

"Our thoughts create our reality."
-Author Unknown

Are Medications Really Necessary For My Child?

One the most frequently asked questions I receive relates to whether or not a child really needs medication for his or her behaviors - or behavioral problems - depending upon how you look at it.

The unfortunate answer I have to give parents is: "It depends."

I have often said that I am against medications as a first line of defense or treatment in behavioral disorders, particularly in young children and adolescents.

While medications certainly have their use, I have seen far too many cases where children, adolescents, and even adults are medicated when they might not really need to be.

Diagnoses and illnesses like ADHD, depression, and bipolar disorder are far too real. Their implications are also far too real for couples, families, and children.

However, they exist in very small percentages of the population. Yet these diagnoses are popular today and frequently assigned to people with behaviors and symptoms that mirror the classifications and criteria for diagnosis.

"The Real World"

I would like to share a brief story with you about why it is so important to consider what else is going on before making the leap to medicating your child.

While working at a hospital, I was assigned the case of an 18 year old African American male. He was recently transferred from an adolescent unit, to the adult criminal section of the hospital among career criminals and persons diagnosed with persistent major mental illness.

He was diagnosed with Depression, and his treatment staff was concerned about his withdrawn behavior, unwillingness to participate in groups, and his apparent lack of interest to interact socially.

All classic signs of depression.

Yet, when I met with him, he was outgoing, energetic, connected, and all too real. I tried to explain this to his treatment staff, but I was apparently the only person who recognized the additional circumstances that led to my understanding of his situation.

I asked myself one simple question:

"If I were 18 years old, how would I respond in this situation?"

What I realized was that even at my age (older than 18), I would have likely responded the same way as he did.

The Moral:

My patient was anything but depressed.

Instead, he was an 18-year-old male who was likely frightened by his surroundings and the sudden change from being surrounded by his peers and friends (that he had made) to a population of criminals who had spent most of their adults lives behind bars.

While my patient did need a specific regiment of medication, he was grossly misunderstood.

As I always, I encourage you to first ask yourself: "What else might be contributing to my child's behavior?"

Look in the mirror if you have to, even if it hurts to acknowledge that your life might be impacting your child.

It's not to say you are to blame.